Writing #4

This story was purchased by Activity Connection.com in June of '07.

One goofy Family

By Jody Courtney

(A couple sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee, one Saturday morning)

JIM: Wow, it is hard to believe that our babies are turning 16 in a matter of weeks!

SANDY: Oh, I know! It seems like only last week the Twins were running around in their diapers , causing havoc. And now look at them!

JIM: (Smiling broadly) Yeah, now, they are doing that-- fully dressed!

SANDY: (Squeezing his hand gently) Evidence that they are their father's children!

JIM: How now! How is our children's mischievous my doing?

SANDY: Oh, please! You were causing trouble from the first night I met you. You sang the words to “Fight for Your Right to Party” by the Beastie Boys.

JIM: Well, it was open mike night at the cafe...

SANDY: (Rolling her eyes) Jim, it was open mike night for poets, and the theme was world peace!

JIM: I wasn't causing trouble! (Pretending to be hurt) I was trying to be deep. If people had more parties, there would be less time for conflict. I think those poets were able to appreciate my logic.

SANDY: Huh, huh. Call it what you will, but goofiness is still goofiness.

JIM: Oh, admit it, you love my goofiness! It was why you marry me, Dear. (Jim stands up and pulls her into her arms.)

SANDY: (Laughing) Oh, that is why I married you! My father used to wonder what it was!

JIM: Ha ha, funny. Anyway, Let's get back to the real topic. If our kids are goofy and enjoy causing some harmless trouble, then I think they got that from you!

SANDY: (Playfully punching Jim in the arm) Me? No way! Where did you ever get that idea?

JIM: Yeah, you! You are a closet goof ball! Sure, you shook your head in disapproval last week at dinner when I flipped a noodle at my little sister. However, I saw the glimmer of delight in your eye.

SANDY: Well, okay. I thought that was kinda great, but you have to understand. Julie was wearing my favorite pairs of shoes that she had borrowed two months ago! Seeing that noodle fly right into her nose was satisfying, somehow.

JIM: Yeah, but it wasn't an isolated incident. Over the years, I have noticed you trying to mask your gee over my goofiness. Plus, a person can only stay married to a goof ball if only that person herself is, in fact, a goof ball at heart.

SANDY: Hmm, that's a strong argument. However, I will need more proof before I can concede to the idea that I am as goofy as you think I am.

JIM: You want proof? Okay, you named our twins Jack and Jill!

SANDY:(Laughing) How is that goofy?

JIM: Sandy, our last name is Hill!

SANDY: Jack and Jill Hill are cute names, not goofy! I thought naming them after the nursery rhythm “Jack and Jill” was a great idea. They would have a built in birthday theme!

JIM: Exactly! Goofy! It's why Jack and Jill had never allowed you to plan their birthday parties. Even at the age of four, they realized that the built in birthday theme crossed the line from cuteness to just plain old goofiness!

SANDY:(Sighing) Well, okay, maybe they got a little bit of their goofiness from me.

JIM: (Giving Sandy a hug) It's okay, Honey. It's not your fault. You mother passed on the goof ball gene on to you. It was out of your hands.

SANDY: (Giving Jim another punch in the arm) Hey, Buster, you leave my mother out of this! How did you get that kind of crazy idea, anyway?

JIM: Simple, she named you Sandy

SANDY: And what's wrong with the name Sandy?

JIM: (With a straight face) Sandy, your maiden name is Beach.

SANDY: Sandy Beach is not a goofy name! It's cute!

JIM: Like you said, Dear, “Call it what you will, but goofiness is still goofiness.”

SANDY: Ggrr, I hate when you use my words against me.

JIM: There! You growled! Normal people don't growl. Goof balls growl.

SANDY: Okay, Okay! (Sighs) I am a goof ball, and it runs in my genes! Happy?

JIM: (smiling broadly) Very!

SANDY: New subject. What should we do for the kids' birthday? It's a big one. They're going to be adults before we know it, you know? Well, legally speaking, that is.

(Jill strolls in the kitchen and grabs a muffin off Jim's plate.)

JILL: (flopping down in a chair) I know what I would like to do for my birthday.

SANDY: What's that, Honey?

JILL: Ship Jack to South Africa and adopt a puppy to take his place.

JIM: Now, Princess, we have been over this every year since you were two. The postage to South Africa would be outrageous. Then, we wouldn't have the resources to take care of a puppy.

JILL: Dad, I'm trying to express how upset I am!

JIM: I'm sorry. Tell us what happened.

SANDY: I take it that you two are at each other throats... again.

JILL: Bingo! He called me goofy last night in front of others! Can you believe it? I was mortify! (Jill threw her arm over her eyes.)

(Jack comes in the kitchen and grabs a muffin off Sandy's plate.)

JACK: Yeah, but only because you call me goofy first! There was a cute girl there. How am I suppose to be on my game when my so called sister calls me a “total goof ball!” (Turning to Sandy) Mom, are you sure they didn't give you the wrong baby girl at the hospital?

SANDY: Now, Honey, I thought we settled this when you were eleven. Remember? We put you and your sister in matching dresses and headbands. We could hardly tell you a part.

JIM: Yeah, it was eerie. They say twins of opposite genders can't be classify as “identical twins”, but I think that little experiment proves otherwise.

JACK AND JILL: (In unison) Shut up!

JACK: Remember, the deal we have, Mom and Dad? You don't bring that up, and we won't mention Dad's pillow fight with the monkey.

SANDY: (Groans) I would never hear the end of that one if my yoga class found out. I found that people who do yoga are usually animal lovers. Okay, we will erase the “experiment” from our memories. Right, Jim?

JIM: Absolutely! However, in my defense, the monkey started it!

JILL: (Rubbing her forehead) Could we please get back to the subject-- which is how your son embarrassed your sweet, adorable daughter.

JACK: No reason? Didn't you hear me? You messed with my chance with Kelly?

JILL: Chance with Kelly? (Laughs) I think you ruined your chance with Kelly when you put the straws in your ears!

JACK: Hello! I was trying to stand out, and it wasn't areason for you to say what you did!

JILL: I'm sorry, but I was so shocked at this new level of childish! My friends were all rolling their eyes, and it just slipped out! Still, it was no reason to say, “Well, at least, I don't look like a goof ball like some people.”

JACK: Jill, your hair is lime green and your nails are painted orange! If you don't look goofy, then how do you look?

JILL: Unique! I look unique, not goofy!

JACK: Like what Mom always says, “Call it what you will, but goofiness is goofiness.”

JILL: Mom!

SANDY: Those words were meant to be used on your father, Jack. Not for your sister. If Jill wants to look, um... unique, then that's her choice. Besides, I think she's totally...um... lovely.

JILL: Thank you, Mommy. (Jill gives a smug look at Jack)

JACK: Dad!

JIM: And the same goes for your brother, Jill. If Jack wants to um... stand out, then that's his choice. In fact, I thinks he does a good job of it.

JACK: (Giving Jill a smug look) Thanks, Pops!

SANDY: Good! Now that things are getting settled, let's make pancakes!

JIM: Good idea! I have a question though for Jack and Jill.

JILL: Dad, don't!

JIM: Where did the incident take place?

JACK: Dad, you know where it happened.

JILL: We were at the place where we always hang out.

JIM: Come on, say it. Make your dad happy.

JILL: Fine. (Looks at Jack and sighs)

JACK AND JILL: (In unison) We were at the pizza parlor, the one on the hill.

JIM: (Smiling broadly) Really? Did you happen to fetch anything while you were up there?

(Jack and Jill groan and punch Jim in the arm.)

(Sandy shakes her head in disapproval, while trying to suppress a smile.)

(Jim's smile broadens)

THE END

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