Hurtful examples: Misconceptions and discrimination

  Make no mistake! Discrimination and misconceptions profoundly effect us who are living with disabilities.

  For me, I have found these experiences very hurtful and they have left me feeling devalued as a human being. I have encountered countless of these encounters. I'm going to list a few here, not to play a victim or to produce guilt and pity, but to bring awareness and perhaps to make a difference.

  My responses to such experiences vary. Some times I handle them well; other times, I don't..

*I once went to see about volunteering at a local hospital. I wanted to visit patients to cheer them up, but the director said that I would only depress them with the severely of my disabilities. She also said that she couldn't think of any tasks I could due with my limitations. I didn't handle this rejection well. I broken down in tears right in front of the director (I hate when I do this in public! It's so embarrassing!)

*Once I had lunch with a friend who didn't have a disability. We were talking and laughing when this older gentlemen approached the table. He said to my friend, "You are such an angel sent by God." She said, "Um, I'm just having lunch with a friend." And he said," Well, keep up the good work!" After the gentleman went on his way, my friend exclaimed that she couldn't believe that people thought that hanging out with me had to be some kind of charity work! It didn't surprise me to get this kind of response, however. I had gotten this before-several times, as a matter of fact. I didn't confront the gentleman, in this case, because I just wasn't up to it on that particular day. I was able to express my hurtful feelings to my friend, though.

*I once was taking an accessible van service from my mom's back to my place, when one passenger said to another, "Poor darling, I would hate to live that way." (The woman didn't say this quietly, so I don't know if she thought I was deaf or what.) I turned around in my seat, with a smile, and said, "it's really not that bad." The woman, a bit startled that I had responded, said, "Oh! That's good." From there, we started a pleasant conversation.

*I once ordered dinner over the phone from one of my favorite restaurants. It took me a little longer to communicate my order because the guy taking my order was new. He was patient with my speech impairment, and I felt very appreciative of him. Then when he put down the phone to get my total, he said, "Oh my God, there is a retard on the phone!" When he came back I confronted him. Then I spoke with the manager. The employee ended up getting a two day suspension.

  I had handled myself with dignity and class with the above situation. However, afterwards I bawled like a baby because that situation triggered dozens more of similar experiences to my mind. A few days l wrote an editorial to my local newspaper, withholding the name of the restaurant but hoping to educate my community.

*Many waitresses and waiters tend to ignore me. Over the years, I have been snippy and down right rude to several of them for this. This was, without question, wrong of me. Not dealing with a few weeks or months of aggression and then taking it out on a single person is never appropiate behavior.

I wish these were isolated incidents, but they are not. Many people with disabilities must deal with these kinds of situations everyday. Think about it.

This page may have been a little overwhelming to read, Click here for "The Lighter Side".